Could've been
by esama
Summary: How things could've turned out for Naruto.
1. Could've been

**Could've been**

Uzumaki Naruto could've been many things, but very few knew or thought about it. Very few paid any attention to the possibilities of what he could've been and what he could've achieved. Most people passed him by without ever sparing a glance at him, without caring, without bothering. But the few - the Third Hokage among them - thought of the would've-beens and sometimes mourned for them.

The Fourth Hokage upon his death had wished that the boy would be seen as a hero, that people of Konoha would see the boy as a barrier keeping back the demon and with it the destruction. The Fourth had wished that the people would honour Naruto's sacrifice, that they would respect him for it… but very few did. Very few could see beyond the demon contained in the boy's body, and those few weren't enough. The rest were perfectly content feeling deep contempt. Maybe the Third should've been happy that they didn't express the feelings with actions of violence… but he wasn't.

Uzumaki Naruto… he could've became strong - because of his parents and because of the demon he was hosting the boy had immense potential contained within himself. He could've became a strong and powerful shinobi, he could've grown to the measurements of a hero - he could've became the Hokage of Konoha. Yes, the boy could've been many things, but the Third knew that the boy wouldn't be. That potential had been lost in the echoes of whispers. And he had heard it all.

"Excuses," everyone would whisper when the boy made a mistake and tried to explain himself. "He just wants attention," others would say when ever the boy did anything from smiling to fighting. And the words weren't kind. They were cold and weighted down by contempt. And they were repeated so many times that the Third could hear them bounce of the walls of his village, multiplying and amplifying with each echo, endlessly repeating…

The boy could've been many things but that potential had been lost long ago. Now those words would always hold the boy down. Naruto was extremely self-conscious, dressing into baggy clothing and hiding his face behind high collars. He didn't dare to smile and barely spoke - and the Third couldn't remember when he had last heard Naruto laugh. Too terrified of hearing those words again, Naruto did his best never to draw any attention to himself. To fall back and fade into the background, if someone was good in that it was Naruto. It had gone on for so long that every time someone laughed, Naruto winced and thought that they were laughing at him - and then he would hide.

He skipped days at time from the Academy because of the fear of attention - his from his teachers and his peers in his lonely apartment. He was the dead last of the class for the simple reason that he didn't dare to try. He shied away from the other children no matter what they did. A wallflower, that was the boy was, but he wasn't blooming in the shadows of that wall. No, the boy was withering and he had been doing so for a long, long time.

The boy didn't eat too much either and was almost sickly thin. It wasn't because he had no appetite, it was because most of the time he was too shy to go to buy himself something to eat. It was no wonder really. The shopkeepers gave him cold looks and muttered in low tones and the boy was always quick to run away. Most of the time the Third needed to have some of his shinobi take the boy some food just so that he had enough to keep himself healthy. The demon inside the boy kept Naruto alive and from getting sick, but he was _so_ thing…

Among the children of the academy, Naruto was considered the odd one out. In the beginning some may have tried to make friends with him, but as the boy had kept shying away from them… they had eventually stopped. Most of the time the Hokage could catch the boy throwing longing looks to the play grounds and kids playing in them, but he would never join them. Usually he would rather run away and hide from them. And the kids wouldn't ask Naruto join either because they were already too adjusted of him pulling away to try.

Some saw it for what it was. The boy had been shunned in cold and uncaring manner until he became too withdrawn for his own good. Naruto was on path of becoming schizophrenic. It could've been avoided with simple precautions - if the teachers would pay a little attention to him and help him and if someone would make sure that the boy would spend some time with his classmates… maybe it would've helped. Little encouragement and cheering. But none of the teachers would do that, they all had lost something in the Kyubi attack and their coldness was now too deeply rooted. The Third did all he could but he knew it wouldn't be enough.

It was unlikely that the boy would even make it to Genin. He did not have the right mind, attitude or drive for it - and even the skills were hidden underneath of layers of self-consciousness. It was likely that eventually the boy would become so withdrawn and scared that he wouldn't be able to face people at all. He probably wouldn't be fit to study or work after the academy either. The Hokage didn't know what he was supposed to do should that come to pass, but he would still continue to support the boy, the poor withered wallflower.

Naruto could've been many things but the villagers had had too much of a effect on the boy. Uzumaki Naruto wouldn't become anything now. He would never have the need to please anyone and he would never become strong - he would never thrive. He would never seek attention, never ask for acknowledgement or recognition. If people would give it to him he would never be able to understand or accept it and would just pull back thinking that he was being mocked or pitied.

And sometimes the Third cried because, yes, Naruto had wanted attention at one point. All children wanted it because having it meant being loved - and if someone had wanted to be loved it was that sad boy. But now he would never ask for it… or for help. And it was so much worse than it could have been.

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Just angsty drabble I needed to get outta my chest.


	2. How it could've continued

**How it could've continued**

Naruto sighed while looking at the other academy students from the shadows of the lone tree growing in the academy yard. He had always thought that the tree and the swing hanging from it were kind of like he was - loners in a strange place. Sure, there were lot of trees in the Hidden Leaf, but this tree grew alone without another tree in sight. And sure, there were loads of swings… but this swing was alone. And he was alone with them.

Not that he was really thinking about lonely tree at that moment. He was thinking about the academy, the test which he hadn't passed and all the former classmates who were now Genin. He alone hadn't passed, he alone hadn't been able to do the required Bunshin. And not just that, but he had the lowest scores in the entire academy - one teacher had even remarked that his taijutsu was so poor that he had broken the previous records. In everything else he passed just and just, but Taijutsu had never been his forte… possibly because one needed to make contact in taijutsu, and that was something he was very bad at. Afraid to touch, afraid of being touch - afraid of _pain_… no, he would never be a physical fighter.

Someone somewhere had said that he could just try again - that other people along the history had failed and they had just tried again until they had failed. It was possible that no one had really said it and that he had actually read it, but in any case he knew that it was true. He could repeat his final year in the academy and try again - he was two years younger than the graduating class anyway because he had started two years early… but to repeat?

He looked away from the group of people. He had somehow managed in the class because these were people he had seen daily in the academy since he had been about five. If he would repeat the yea he would be thrown into a new class with new students, none which he knew by name. Thrown amongst strangers… it wasn't appealing thought at all. Being the youngest student in familiar class had been hard enough, but with people he didn't even know?

The very idea made his chest spike with fear and strange, stuffed pain which was always there when he thought of these things. The fear… _What if they don't like me, what if they will laugh me, mock me? What if someone says those words again, what if… what if they hate me and bully me? What if I'll get hurt again…?_ He didn't want to get hurt. Sure, bruises d cuts he could take but the looks, the words, the way they turned their backs to them, the way they _laughed…_ he couldn't take it.

"I don't want to repeat another year," he murmured with a pained frown. He didn't have the energy to try something he knew to be impossible anyway. But he… he still wanted to be a ninja. For the Third who took care of him, he still wanted to be useful. That was why he had wanted to go to the Academy the first place, he had seen an Anbu report to the Hokage and it had made him feel warm. He had wanted to be like that - useful to the one person who cared for him… to make him proud. But… he just couldn't do it.

But what more was there than the academy? Some civilian school? He was still ten so there was probably time for him to start going to school like that, but… what he could do as a civilian? And how would that civilian school be any better than the Academy? He would probably fail it too and never be useful to anyone.

_I wish I could just go back home, close the doors and shut the windows and never come out… that I could just sleep late and eat when ever I want and just…_ but he knew he couldn't. He had seen enough of the Hidden Leaf to know that everyone needed to do something - to make themselves useful. People needed food to live, money to buy food, work to get money. That was the way of things, and though he didn't really want to be part of life like that, he knew he didn't have a choice. It wasn't like the world was going to rearrange itself just for him.

"Naruto," old, weary voice called for his attention and he looked up to see the white-clad Hokage standing near him with his ever-present pipe in his hand. The old man smiled to him sadly, though there was something in his face that told Naruto the man hadn't even expected him to pass. "I'm sorry."

The boy tried to fake a smile but wasn't sure how successful it was as he turned again. "I will never be a Ninja, will I?" he asked quietly.

"Like said, I'm sorry," the old man said, placing his hand over the boy's shoulder. He looked towards the place where parents were congratulating their freshly passed children. "It may be that you just aren't made to be a shinobi."

Naruto smiled now, a little bitterly and little sadly. When he faced the truth, that was it. He wasn't really fit to be a fighter. Heck, he couldn't fight at all. He couldn't throw a kunai properly, every time he handled Shurikken he was terrified that he would cut his fingers with them… he didn't even do well in the classroom - sure, his hardwiring was pretty good, but that helped him little when he couldn't remember the right answers.

"What will I do now?" he asked quietly. He didn't want to repeat the year because he was pretty sure it would make no difference. He would just fail again and make his new classmates laugh at him. But still… He looked up to the leader of his village. "I don't want to be a civilian," he said. "I want to help _Leaf_." He wanted to help the Hokage, to somehow be part of the Shinobi world, but… that was impossible, wasn't it?

The old man smiled to him before taking his pipe back to his lips and breathing in through it. "I've been thinking about that for a while and I think I may have found you something you could do - you might even enjoy it," he said and motioned Naruto to follow him. "Follow me."

Confused but little hopeful, Naruto followed the old man away from the academy yard. "Iruka says that your calligraphy is among the best in the class - if not the best," the Hokage continued, glancing down to him. "He suspects that you practice it often."

Naruto blushed. "I write a lot," he muttered. When you didn't have friends, family or anything else to take your time, you could get pretty bored. Back when he had learned to write he decided to make it his pass time. It had taken all his courage to buy the writing supplies, but it had been worth it when he had begun to write and had found that he enjoyed it. Now days he wrote little stories about ninjas and such - pastime and fantasy of could've beens.

"I suspected so," the Hokage nodded and took something out of his pocket. "Do you know what this is?" he held up a slap of paper.

"It is an explosive tag," Naruto blinked with surprise. They had practiced use of those things in the academy but he had been pretty terrified of them - he had constantly worried that they would explode to his face.

"Good," the Hokage smiled and examined the paper slap with his eyes. "I've heard that our shinobi use about ten thousand of these per year - more if there is a war. They are made by people called Seal Masters - who also make other sorts of things, but explosive tags are their most used ones…"

"Seal Masters are _usually_ ninjas as well," the Hokage continued. "But there are few who aren't ninjas at all, who only know how to make Seals - which is what explosive tags are basically. To be a seal master requires good calligraphy skills and long, long hours of practicing and researching. It's not a skill you can really teach, but it is a skill you can learn - usually by reading and reading usually happens in solitude."

Naruto's eyes were a bit wider now as the Hokage looked down to him with a smile. "I think this might be a path you could take and enjoy," the old man said. "It's not exactly glamorous life, Seal Masters rarely get recognition for their works unless they are very high level… but once you're able to make a good explosive tag your source of income will be pretty much set. There is always a need for explosive tags in villages like these, and Seal Masters can ask good prices for them due to the work it takes to make one… what more, you can co this all in your home. All it would need would be possibly years of reading and writing."

"I… I'd like to try," Naruto swallowed. This was his _dream_ career. He wouldn't need to be good at fighting or ninjutsu and he still could be part of the Shinobi world - small part, but for the Shinobi in need of an explosion it could be a pretty important nonetheless. "How… how can I start?

The Hokage smiled. "I'll have some books and scrolls delivered to your apartment. You can start by reading them and practicing the seals taught in them. Once you've read them we should know if you have an aptitude for Sealing… and we'll see where we go from there."

"Thank you," the boy smiled a real, honest smile this time before looking down with a small hope living in his chest. Perhaps he wouldn't be as useless as he had thought. Maybe one day someone would appreciate what he could do - and it wouldn't matter if he would get the recognition. Just knowing that someone would be using something he had made would be more than enough.

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Just a thought of how it could've continued if Could've been would be a real story instead of drabble. I rather like the idea of non-ninja Naruto, though with the sealing stuff there is a possibility of not exactly super-power!Naruto but skilled!Naruto nonetheless, and that wasn't exactly what I was aiming for...


End file.
